we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
