If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
did i walk over a car last night?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
