Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
