Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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