This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
