what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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