Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
