hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
