i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
