Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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