I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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