Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
