Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
