Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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