Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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