I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize