I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
