hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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