You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize