In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
