his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
