My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
