You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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