my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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