I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
