So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
