Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
