Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
