I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
