every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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