Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
