allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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