Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
