dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
