you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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