so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i think my cat just said my name.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
