if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
