i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
