I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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