how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
