She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
