He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
