so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
