If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
