Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
