Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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