I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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