We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
