You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
