Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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