Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
pop tarts are not kleenex
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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