Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
