we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
