so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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