I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize