can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
