i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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