First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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