If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
