just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
