You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The Olympian is in my bed
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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