the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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