wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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