i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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