I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize