You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
