soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
