I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
