booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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