the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
