i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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