if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I need water and some morals
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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