i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
