Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
