The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Say something about gay babies.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So vagazzling was a success
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
