He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
