the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
