If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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