I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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