but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize