they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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