Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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