Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
