God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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