you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
