Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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