sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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