i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
