guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
