I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
we're so committed to being not committed
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
