he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize