walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
How does one acquire holy water?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
