Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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