Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
