I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
