CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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