I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
