One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Never underestimate the power of titties
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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