omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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