are you still at the devil's house?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
PS: I just woke up from my shower
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
