We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So vagazzling was a success
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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