the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize