Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
