remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
false alarm. still invincible.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
